So, a little primer before I unravel the ball of strings. This post may be grating to some people, but I hope that you can approach this with an open mind, especially if it resonates with you, even on a minute scale.
A SLIGHT DIGRESSION
I only just realised when writing what was supposed to be my latest post, that THIS was left back in the wardrobe and forgotten.
Fret not, for I still remember what was, and still bugs me to this day, so lets move forward.
WHAT DO I REALLY WANT?
As one would have seen or deduced from my site and collaterals, the aspirations and inspirations that I have all come from the creative side of the world. From my interest in Japanese anime to my time in the school choir, I have always wanted my life to revolve around drawings and music.
However, being able to pursue or get started in this particular path is a different story, more so with certain circumstances that you cannot ignore. I am hoping to make this a 2-part series of the problems, and the eventual solutions I found.
The points that would appear as I navigated my environment were many but I could narrow them down to the main 2:
Privacy and freedom
Financial obligation
If you want to skip to the TLDR version, click here.
LO AN BEHOLD, THE PROBLEMS...
Without going too deeply, I will state that familial obligations and environments are limitations which I had to work with and continue to juggle till today.
This might resonate with some readers, when I mention how family members may not be supportive of 'frivolous' pursuits. and feel they are a waste of time. When you are dependent on others who own the roof over your head, it's common to follow their rules just because.
Growing up in an Asian family, it stands to mention that we tend to be more conservative compared to other households. We were always taught to respect our elders and that age equates to seniority and command.
In the early days, I was part of the so-called 'lower middle class' so my family was focused on earning, and that meant emphasis on getting into STEM fields because they were perceived to be respected and well-paid jobs.
Well, I fell for that, pursuing an academic path that, while still an interest of mine, was slowly losing significance to me. That was until the time I finished my 'O level' examinations (with arguably abysmal results) and entered polytechnic. I distinctly remember exploring the library and found some illustration guides.
That spark was reignited as I remebered my childhood passion to draw.
Naturally, my family did not fully support my views or passions, at least until I took some 'radical' steps but let's leave that for later. So I resorted to the only avenue open for me: I kept to secrecy.
Anything and everything that was related to my passion or the creative industry was kept hidden from them.
PRIVACY? NOT ON MY WATCH!
So now you may be asking. How about my own room? Surely I could keep the related paraphilia hidden right? Well, it was no possible because I shared a room with my siblings.
Like I mentioned early on, I was from a 'lower middle class' so the house we stayed in was small. Without my own room, a personal wardrobe or even my own desk, whatever I would do was visible to family members, namely my parents.
The initial workabout I had? Find excuses to be out of the house so I could camp out at the library or somewhere without prying eyes. It was not a nice period, having to be so secretive around family and trying to pursue a passion.
I recalled buying a small drawing tablet and keeping it in my bag, never taking it out for fear of reproach.
BECAUSE I CAN, I SHOULD
As with most matters in life, they are all interconnected, and that included the problems I had.
As a child who was living under my parents' roof, I had to 'repay' them in different ways. Without getting into the nuances of it, I was happy to do so because those are the bare basics that any offspring should do, more so when they are better educated with higher incomes.
While people might chalk it up to 'filial piety' or more negatively, brainwashing, I think it is only right I try to repay them for having brought me up. The kicker was that the process was made comparatively harder when I had to find work that could pay more or take up longer hours.
Why you ask? Because we were still not too well off then. I had to divert my time towards tertiary education and work to alleviate the struggles our family had. I had to remind myself I needed to do something. No more alone time for passion.
EXECUSES EXCUSES, YOU ARE JUST LOOKING FOR AN EASY WAY OUT
I can pre-empt what many are thinking: this post is about me whining away about my misfortune, and that I am finding excuses.
I cannot deny those allegations because yes, I found it unfair that some people could do whatever they wanted without being held back. Granted, my situation is not unique and many others have succeeded with worst environments.
NOT A MONOLOGUE, BUT A HEALPING HAND
Again, this is not to whine but rather to help others similar to me, who don't know how to proceed and want to give up.
Having come from a background where I had to work with limitations which I deem overly restrictive, I know how tough it is trying to pursue a passion. Be it the creative industry or a different career path, the nuances are the same: little to no support or lack of privacy and freedom.
If you happen to have similar problems, I want to tell you that you are not alone and that there is always a way out, as long as you are willing to do something.
And yes, John Cena is my fav.